Void. These days you can’t leave your house without seeing those four letters plastered everywhere you look. Given their popularity, it’s almost hard to believe how little time has passed since three young men kicked open the doors of modern entertainment to build an empire out of nothing, only to quickly slide out of the public view. The rumors of movie deals and half written albums all unsubstantiated, the public cries out for a second coming. Today, we catch up with the founders of Void, and finally see what has become of them since we saw them last.
The first and most easily found member was, of course, Caleb Finch. After his well publicized “self deportation,” Caleb announced that he would be living on a man-made island of his own design, located in international waters. The new nation was named “Caleb,” and devotees of the entertainer traveled from across the world to start a new life.
The first law of this nation decreed that all those “who set foot within Caleb will forever become Caleb,” in order to hinder any ideas or concepts deemed “foreign” or “Un-Caleb.” This lead to the now popular slogan “Come for the Caleb, Stay because you are now Caleb.”
The island itself is disconnection from the outside world, so we sent an envoy ship within its radio boundary in the hopes of sending a message to the enigmatic leader of men and women named Caleb. After many attempts, we were finally put into direct communication. He answered with his usual greeting for outsiders: “Sup, ugly.”
Caleb showed reticence towards answering our questions via radio, and insisted that our envoy dock, and speak in person.
“Come on guys, dock your boat! What’s the worst that could happen? I brainwash your men and assimilate them into my exponentially growing collective? That’s crazy talk! I’ve got pizza!!”
At this point we lost contact with our ship and therefore have no way of checking the validity of said pizza.
The second member of Void, Virgil Kester, has also kept a fairly large profile since the group’s breakup. The handful of people who still watch broadcast television can account for the daytime ads for his donation center. Using his portion of the vast proceeds of the Void franchise, Kester started The Virgil Maynard Kester IV Making Poor Kids In Other Countries Less Sad Society (A name which later earned Kester a Daytime Emmy).
The group is famous for supplying care packages to third world and war torn countries. There has been a fair amount of controversy aimed at Mr. Kester due to the nature of these packages. An inside source stated that the average package contained “an Xbox game Virgil was into that month, some glitter, a flash drive of animated gifs he found on 9gag, and a kitten. An actual kitten. We found out pretty fast that the kittens couldn’t survive the trip. Still, he kept sending them.”
We met with Mr. Kester at his hotel in Manhattan. He also showed little interest in the future of Void.
“Void? I haven’t thought about that in ages! That really brings me back, but I’m afraid that bridge is burned. I mean, Caleb got so full of himself. Near the end, he insisted that we wear masks of his own face. He said it would really ‘take care of the problem.’ No, I finally have real meaning in my life. I was never meant to be a comedy writer. Look at this girl here.” He held up a picture that clearly came with the frame. “Am I changing her life with comedy? Not a chance. I’m changing it now, with motherfucking glitter and Halo 4.”
Kester then dropped the picture, made a cryptic hand motion, and exited into his own closet.
When it comes to the last member of this enigmatic group, the last piece of the puzzle, we found it fairly difficult. Joshua Burton, or (as he is known to his friends) Jobu, has veritably fallen off the map since the end of the group’s production. Our team spent weeks trying to locate the elusive comedian, only to find him in a bay area coffee shop, apparently working as a barista.
“Void? Yeah, we’re still working on that. I just wrote a script today. How do you know about Void, anyway?
Mr. Burton showed general confusion when we mentioned what he had done with this portion of the void estate. It took several hours and extensive paperwork to prove the existing accounts, and the vast resources (apparently untouched) to Burton.
“What the fuck? Those guys don’t tell me anything! I just sold my car to get by on rent, for god’s sake.”
When asked what he is going to do with all of the money, he then angrily threw off his apron.
“I don’t know, If you asked me a week ago I might say paying for the surgery my dying mother needed to survive, but it’s a little too late for that, so I guess it’s just spend it all on houses for all the living members of my family. THAT’S NO HOUSES!”
Before he stormed out of the room, we were able to finally get the answer to the burning question which lead us down this exciting path: Will there be more Void in the future?
“Honestly, I don’t know. Anything’s possible. I mean, it’s only been, like, a month”