Supreme Court Rules OP Is A Faggot

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In a surprise move this week, the Supreme Court ruled six to three in favor of OP being a faggot. The OP (original poster) in question was a member of the online image board 4chan. The anonymous member submitted an entry to the subforum /b (random), which quickly garnered mass disdain.

The post contained a picture of what is to be believe himself, a middle school aged thin boy with long dyed black hair swept over one eye. There are several posters behind him for the band My Chemical Romance, and it is clear that he is wearing mascara. The following text is attached to the picture.

“Nobody gets me. The pain that is my life is neverending. I just want one person to know my story. My dad’s a dick. Everyone in school makes fun of me. I don’t even know why I keep trying. I’m going to end this tonight, and I hope that when they find me they see how wrong they’ve all been.”

Twelve seconds later, the response “OP is a faggot” was the first in a litany of insults lobbied at the young man. “Cut your hair” led to “cut your wrists,” which eventually devolved into the simple “KILL YOURSELF.”

One of the more confusing comments was later in the thread, which read “Still a better lovestory than Twilight.” This is largely believe to be a misappropriation of the meme, although some believe it to either be copypasta or simple trolling.

The Supreme Court’s ruling shocked most of the major media outlets, as the public consensus has been largely in favor of the OP. Rachel Maddow spoke out against the decision.

“Look, does the kid come off as sort of annoying? Of course! He’s thirteen. Everybody is an annoying, angst filled idiot at that age. You can’t blame him for living in an age where every thought you have within the most awkward periods of your life are not only broadcast into the world, but saved and backed up for future evaluation and scrutiny. Give the kid a break.”

Some of the more conspiracy minded public figures have stated that the decision itself was somehow an attack perpetrated by anonymous, which distorted the result. Further, that the Justices are uncomfortable with admitting a breach in their security, and are keeping the truth from being revealed as to not have past and future rulings questioned by the public.

This would, perhaps, explain the recent ruling of 8 to 1 against The Board of Education, in the case of The Board of Education v Cool Ranch Doritos.

Caleb Finch

The TARDIS, 517 Natoma, San Francisco, Ca 94103, USA

Caleb Nathan Friedrich was born in a small coal mining town in northern Pennsylvania to his biological parents Gretchen and Ivan Friedrich. Being the Friedrich’s eleventh child, and seeing the steady decline of Ivan’s health, Caleb was dropped into the, then tumultuous, foster care system. When he turned sixteen he gathered what few items he had and set out to make his mark on the world. Forging false identification and assuming the surname Finch, he was able to talk his way into position for the world renowned San Francisco Inquisitor. He went on to become the newspaper’s longest running editor and chief, and has had many printed collections, including The Time I Spent and The View From the Engine Room. In 1943, Caleb passed away by succoming to his long and painful fight against Butt Aids. It is belived by some that his ghost still haunts different locations in San Francisco, and that it's sort of a dick.