Men around the world are commenting on a new computer virus circulating the Internet, which takes web browsers that have been idle - be it on a computer in sleep mode, or in a background window - and loads pornographic content onto them. Many men are finding the situation hard to explain to their significant others, or coworkers.
While many of the instances were merely pop up windows for Live Jasmine, many reported full videos or picture galleries turning up at inopportune moments.
“Look, I don’t know how it got there,” says a bay area resident. “I was minding my own business in my locked bedroom, looking up scone recipes, and that’s all. I left the room, and when my wife tries to use my - once pristine - Dell Inspiron, it is covered in the worst filth the kind of which no upstanding human being could ever want to see.”
He then added. “Right?”
Some of the victims are not as lucky as to have only one attack. For many, these infringements occur up to five times a day.
“I can’t count the amount of times this has happened to me. It seems like every time I open my computer these days, there’s some new piece of porn to greet me. I’m really getting sick of this. I keep accidentally opening my laptop in front of girls, and it always scares them away. What exactly am I supposed to do with myself now?”
While male experts are unable to find the source of the virus, they stress that people simply remain calm.
“I can’t imagine that we’ll be able to hash this one out immediately,” said a spokesperson for the Computer Crime and Intellectual Property section of the Department of Justice, “it’s important that we get the word out that anyone seen apparently having viewed pornographic content - most likely - are nothing but a victim of a very serious and debilitating virus.”
He added, “And...if anyone could tell my wife this, it would be greatly appreciated.”