Five Reasons San Francisco is Better than L.A.

los-angeles.jpg

The Top 5 Reasons Why San Franciso is Better than Los Angeles

1. Real stuff happens in SF

Why is LA so important/famous? Fake things happen there. It’s where the film industry resides. The entire place exists to fuel the movies and tv shows that get filmed there. Sure, you can run into Lindsay Lohan when you’re going out to get a latte (the only thing anyone serves out there aside from Malibu rum), but would you really want to? In San Francisco real stuff happens. Like marathons that only revolve around drinking and sometimes running.

2. The Crime

Did you know that 9 out of 10 rapes in the continental united states happen in Los Angeles? True fact: everyone in Los Angeles has either been mugged at gunpoint or has mugged someone else at gunpoint. Another fact: all drugs in Los Angeles were stolen from naive dealers from San Francisco. LA is a cruel world.

3. The Heat

Do you really want to live in a city where a third of the year is spent in temperatures above or near 100 degrees? That’s sick. Let’s face it - it’s a hell of a lot easier to get warm (put on a coat/wrap yourself in a blanket/start a fire) than it is to cool off (buy a walk in freezer/build a freeze gun/move to San Francisco). In San Francisco, we don’t even need air conditioners, we just put them in our big buildings to make Los Angeles transplants feel more at home.

4. Alcohol

I’ve never been to LA, but if I did go, I bet their bars would suck. I bet they would be flashy, overly-dependent on people with money, and would appeal to the tourists looking for overly-hip pseudo-clubs with something to prove. In San Francisco, we know how to non-ironically (and sometimes ironically) blend a decent dive bar with a local gimmick. Example: a gay bar that feels like a southern back yard. Oh yeah, and our gay bars ar better. 

Not to mention the fact that being an alcoholic in San Francisco is like a badge of honor. In Los Angeles, they actually are bothered if you show up to work plastered. God, what a hell hole.

Also, alcohol just tastes better here.

5. The Gay Factor

We have the best gay people. Have you been to a gay bar in LA? Not that I have actually been to LA, but it is like time-traveling to the late 90’s. I half expect Chris Cattan (Google image-search him. That’s all you need to know) to pop out of the woodwork (pun intended) whenever I’m in one of LA’s shitty gimmick gay bars. Why call them gimmick bars? Because in Los Angeles being a gay bar is a gimmick, not an appeal to local patrons. Instead of actually having hot guys there, they just hire extras who regularly show up in TV shows and movies as gay bar patrons. It’s awful.

This in no way covers all of the reasons that SF is better than LA, but I think it hits all the good ones, don't you think?