The Perfect Storm - or - How Storm From The X-Men Ruined All Women

The Perfect Storm - or - How Storm From The X-Men Ruined All Women

As a flowering young lad growing up with comic books, I was exposed to many beautiful, buxom women in skin-tight clothing. It was like growing up in a gym in Miami, just....nerdier. From Wonder Woman to Susan Storm, I was constantly reading stories with these lovely ladies flaunting their...powers...all over every panel. It wouldn’t have messed me up, because I’m pretty immune to overt sexuality unless it’s actively trying to seduce me (sometimes even then), except for the one exception - Ororo Munroe - the X-Men member known as Storm

Local “Celebrity” Joshua Harvey Hospitalized For Malnutrition

Local “Celebrity” Joshua Harvey Hospitalized For Malnutrition

Local Inner Richmond resident, Joshua Harvey, collapsed at his workplace - suffering from severe malnutrition as a result of only consuming vitamin C. Harvey is known locally as a member of a San Francisco-based avant garde “comedy troupe” VOID. He is also known for dressing up like Batman and “patrolling” the streets of the Richmond at night.

Skippable San Francisco: The Mission Street Preacher

Skippable San Francisco: The Mission Street Preacher

San Francisco is known for many things: The Golden Gate Bridge, clam chowder in bowls of sourdough bread, overpriced street trollies, inexpensive crack. These are all things out-of-towners can read about in any travel guide – or quickly find out about, depending upon where their hotels are located. We locals know of a different side of San Francisco – a side we don't show visitors because it's only amusing to people who deal with these things daily. Take, for example, the Mission Street Preachers.

The City, Through Open Eyes

The City, Through Open Eyes

Walking down the streets of this great city, one is bound to stroll by the occasional tourist trap or monument to consumerism- it is inevitable. Entire districts dedicated to the rise and fall of stocks, bonds, and the almighty dollar. Communities built out of our necessity for caffeine and non-filtered reds and greens, the demand for grilled meats and exotic tiki drinks. We look onward in awe over the vast hills and valleys scatter bombed with convenient stores and liquor marts. 

New Study Finds Life Actually Is Fair

New Study Finds Life Actually Is Fair

Angsty teenagers and homeless people are going to need a new go-to phrase now that a new study from the Socio-Humanites Department at UCLA. The study had access to thousands of hours of video taken by high-resolution cameras on board NASA's International Space Station which has been studying social movements on Earth for over a year. The study finds that, no matter where you are, who you are, or how you were born, the universe treats everyone pretty much the same

Same Sex Kiss Day Goes Awry Due To Gender Confusion

Same Sex Kiss Day Goes Awry Due To Gender Confusion

Bay Area activists who wish to support and promote same-sex marriage were left scratching their heads today as they struggled to identify each other’s declared gender in a second, impromptu, Chick-fil-A make-out session.  The unfortunate androgynous nature of those who participated in the specific event lead to a general sea of confusion over who was supposed to kiss who in order to further the cause of LGBT rights.

Scientific Study Links Purse Size With Mental Illness

Scientific Study Links Purse Size With Mental Illness

An ongoing study held by Yale University’s sociology department and Prada has linked the size of a woman’s purse to the number and intensity of her emotional problems. This study has dredged up a great deal of controversy in both the science and fashion worlds in the past due to the possibly sexist implications it could provide, and has been strongly picketed by national woman’s rights groups, as well as Coach. This being said, a number of members of the scientific community, as well as a few oddly passionate independent financial backers, speak out for the study’s merritts.  

Why Caleb Finch is Unattractive

Why Caleb Finch is Unattractive

Caleb Finch is deemed, by some, to be one of the most attractive men of our time. I find this concept to be abhorrent. First off, he is not a man (nor attractive) so the prior statement is pretty much just rubbish in a can (and btw Caleb, writing that on the wall of every port-o-potty you enter from here to another part of San Francisco doesn’t make it true).

My Exploration Of Quantum Making Out

My Exploration Of Quantum Making Out

As I continue to explore my various dating options, I find myself being balked at all ends for various reasons. Some girls are dating someone else. Others may find me unattractive. Others still, simply don’t want to make out with some drunk guy at a party (a position that I find deeply confusing). This is doubly problematic when you consider the fact that I generally don’t know if the above reasons exist, having - every time - simply failed to make an attempt in the first place. Whatever the reason, the subsequent party (or dinner, or bat mitzvah) ends, and I have nobody with to split the cab fare.

An Open Letter to the Bartender Who Called Me Col. Sanders

An Open Letter to the Bartender Who Called Me Col. Sanders

Hey, man. How’s it going? First off, nice bar! I didn’t think there were bars like this in the area. Great use of lighting. A lot of places get that all wrong, and you’d think that would be the first thing to do, am I right? Second, nice Manhattan. You make a mean cocktail, fearsome perhaps, and I don’t want to take that away from you. That being said, I have one small piece of criticism to make towards you. Colonel Sanders? Really? Colonel fucking sanders?

Notice to the public: Leggings and Tights are not pants

Notice to the public: Leggings and Tights are not pants

In troubled times, such as we live in today, one tries not to blow situations out of proportion with long winded hyperbole, and merely state facts and trends without untoward biased or subjective content.  I, Caleb Finch (reporter), hope to quickly gain your trust as a writer of journalistic morality and balance.  That being said, wearing leggings or tights instead of pants is the worst thing in the world, ever.